I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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