Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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