can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
