i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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