whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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