I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
