i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
not ubering you a puppy
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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