Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
