My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
