Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
