I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize