This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's just like the Real World with babies
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
