The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
