he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it's like iHOP with fire
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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