That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Floor bacon is actually really good
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
