Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
