New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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