its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
