i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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