Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
