Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
