You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
