It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
