Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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