I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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