addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
