omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
