Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
