none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
