BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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