So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
