There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize