plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
