We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
