now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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