So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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