It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
