I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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