When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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