Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
