Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
