She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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