he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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