I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
