his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize