i jhust puked up my retainher.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize