Your face is a jimmy john
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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