He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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