I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
