I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
