I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
