3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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