I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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