I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
false alarm. still invincible.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize