ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
