hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
