u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
