He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
