I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
