last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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