never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
