good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
