I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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