There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
