I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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