hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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