Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
