She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
