They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
