I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
