So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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