How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry about my life...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
ok first of all what the fuck
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
