I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
