I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
